Death

Not gonna say a lot here. Have to go to Phila tomorrow nite to stay with my aunt while the lead abatement takes place. Reallllly inopportune time to have to leave. We ended up not getting the house we wanted a few blocks away. Owner didn't want freelancers even though we would have paid six month's rent upon moving. Today we saw...Ok I dont even want to get into it.

I did a tarot reading. Shouldn't have done that when my heart feels like it is going to beat out of my chest.
Nervous as hell.

My final card was the Death card. I pray that means this huge struggle will be over. Feeling like I'M gonna die. I am, of course worried for my child. I don't think I could make it without her. Maybe it's the two cups of caramel tea I drank a little while ago. We had to pack up a lot of crap so that the workers can get it done. Glad Nicolas will be here while they work.

Each day that goes by makes me wonder if it's a signal to finally leave New York. 

Running on Empty

Found lots of encouraging information to help my kiddie. In essence, she needs lots of vitamin B6 and magnesium. I have to get some blood work done, contact a few specialists and then we will be on our way.

In response to last night's griping, I went for a pseudo thera-run in Prospect Park this morning before all the nasty smoke from barbecuing commenced. I actually felt kind of silly holding my GIANT Sony CD Player. I might as well have been jogging with a giant bumblebee-colored plate. Of course, I accidentally popped in a TRANCE CD which is not at all conducive to keeping up a good pace on a searingly hot, humid morning.

Did I mention my other baby wakes me up all throughout the night and early morning so I never get to sleep more than 2.5 hours at a time? And I never get to sleep more than seven hours total? Did I mention that I am the type of person who needs nine hours of sleep a day?

I decided that it might be better to keep the first run in god-knows-how-long at a nice, meditative pace to match the music. Hopefully I will be able to move my legs tomorrow. Nothing cuts through a bout of depression and self-pity like sore limbs. One who is out of shape has to dispense excess energy on recovering from thirty minutes of light exercise for the next week and a half. Too tired and in physical pain to worry about nonsense.

As I have been considering my money-making options, I am now pulling together some factoids about the moon and turning that into a quiz which will be featured on Facebook. Not one to take Andrew Carnegie's advice to heart (keep working on one task and finish it before starting another), I have also decided to commence production on a flyer to announce my Broken Relationships workshop (more on that later). Finally, I am going to make a newsletter regarding one sign a month, analyzing it's features and pitfalls. It's going to be written in a funny, sarcastic tone but always with an upside to encourage personal development. We'll see how that works out.

Since the moon is now waning, I decided not to open a Paypal account (waning moon = money decreasing) yet. That will have to wait till I cast a spell on the New Moon (June 12).

Alright, I got less than an hour left in me, so I am going to try to find out more psychographic information on the LOHAS marketing segment.

Sorry I didn't put any links in the body text. I will save that task for a rainy day...

June and the Dehydrated Prune

Got my kid's evals in the mail today. Not good. The diagnosis, of course is that she is on the autistic spectrum. But worse than that, she is not functioning anywhere near the so-called normal range in IQ for her age. I am going to have to become an pseudo expert on yet another topic (or eight). This undertaking is my priority, however.

At this moment, I am pretty down because I really feel like we are not working on this together. Case in point, he's at a party for a 28 year old. What annoys me too, is that I spend all my time on the internet looking in vain for an apartment in a city where I don't want to live. He doesn't look for apartments but rather refers all leads to me. So I am looking for apartments, figuring out what to do for the kid, setting up all the appointments for the schools, doctors, specialists, etc., writing another fucking business plan, researching all the possibilities on how to change the outcome of her biochemistry (that's no walk in the park), taking care of the kids, trying to keep two rooms of the apartment livable, going to class (which is my only social outlet–haven't been to any kind of festivity since Melodie's art opening the day before my daughter's birthday), getting ready to build this business in which case I will go viral or go postal, and wondering if any miracles are being parceled out among the human population (certainly not in most parts of the world and certainly not in Louisianna/Gulf of Mexico), and if so, could I have one please?

Yet, I have always figured that to survive I have to do it on my terms. I want to get a job now, but I'll be damned if I can't seem to find one. So the stakes get higher, because it is now time for me to put my virtual money where my mouth is and start my astrology business. Officially, I will begin to teach astrology...

It's a boiling 80 something degrees at 11:30 at night. I hate muggy summer weather. The fan is drying my contact lenses out and I am constantly getting dehydrated. Conversely, my skin is constantly wet and oily. Speaking of which, I hope the soap I made the other night isn't caustic...

Alright, got my gripes out. It's time to move on. I will get through this by controlling the thoughts in my mind.

Mercurial Madness at the end of May (well beginning of Gemini June)

Tuesday, 12:12 am. I just downed Caramel Vanilla Lipton (two tea bags, as their pyramid shaped organza-like bags contain paltry amounts of leaves). Not long before, I polished off a Vitamin Water bottle full of refrigerated Free Trade coffee I made this morning. My back up plan was to go back to school (after all, all those ads on Facebook telling me Obama wants moms to go back to school must mean something, right?) to get a psych degree, probably in Child Psychology seeing how there's going to be an increased need (especially for those who are bilingual in French) for these professionals up until 2014, as I discovered from the Bureau of Labor Statistics.

Anyway, my mind has changed now since I am gathering up that much needed information on my target market. Writing papers, citing others who have parsed together boring bullshoot has never been my favorite pasttime (unlike what I am doing right here in this blog). I just want to do it already. What IT is, I don't know. After looking at my sister-in-law's website, I marvel at how much she has achieved in just five years. I know I need to get my ass moving (nothing to inspire an underachiever Capricorn like an overachieving Virgo). There's no turning my back on my astrological business.

Since my last post, I decided that my target market is iPhone Moms in the U.S., who are ages 25-50, income 45K to 100K, multi-tasking, connection-craving, and life-planning. I have no idea of what my USP (Unique Selling Proposition) will be, but one fact that glares at me from my computer screen is that the astrological sites and apps—birth data aside—are woefully un-interactive. I have learned that people become much more engaged with a brand (more marketing b.s.) when they actually have something to do! HA HA! Duh! I also learned that women in America, two years my senior spend more time social gaming than any other age group. HMMMM. Now I am not so ashamed for spending six hours a day playing Bejeweled. I gotta stop that so I can build this business and become bejeweled.

Currently, I am trying to tap into my mercury in aquarius and think of that next brilliant idea. Using my exalted mercury, dignified in the third house along with my sun of business creativity, I should be able to knock it out of the park after surveying my competition.

(I figure it's a good idea to balance the weak-point blog posts with some strong-point posts so I keep my chart descriptions in balance which = moon in Libra)

The whole child psych thing came up because my daughter had to wait so long to get her eval which finally happened this past Saturday. Now the battling for her really begins. I  freaked out tonight when I saw that she had made a small hole in the duct tape I used to cover the door frame (containing a layer of lead paint underneath). I still have confidence that her lead level will go down again during the next test, and her language capabilities will go up within a few weeks of therapy.

BTW, please pray that we find a place by June 15th.

Sixth house of Work and Health, I am leaving you behind for good. Oh wait, not the Health Part

It's time to put my inspiration to work... After pretty much scouring the availability of jobs, I have firmly decided that there is absolutely nothing available that I want to do. Maybe it's all in my head, but the concept of drudgery, stress and subordination to someone else's dream is not in the (tarot) cards or stars for me. I want to launch my venture but I am currently still lacking the expertise. So universe, lend me a hand, will ya? I am willing to do the work but I need the missing pieces of the puzzle to just miraculously appear before my very eyes.

Having said that, my sixth house sucks. Why? Because natal Saturn is in Aries which is at its weakest point. I hate taking orders, I hate having to act on someone else's stage, I have people who think they have control over others and I hate being told what to do if I didn't ask (but of course I don't have a problem dishing out advice). Aries is not into taking advice. Saturn is all about shoving advice down your gullet and if it's not taken, then you get punished and roughed up a bit by the authorities.  I am thankful for my great health (aside from a little sugar addiction). I don't mind following the rules if it's for my own proactive benefit and I get to call the shots.

So trying not to start and stop and stop and start, I am going to complete other projects I started doing within the next week.

1) I am trying to catch up on my business plan. Can I get caught up this Memorial Day weekend? Who knows?! Being that this is my third business plan in three years, I hope I get it right by now. UGH, it's hours of research. I don't know how I thought I could do this on my own. I secretly hope I didn't waste those countless hours of my life.

2) I still have to hone in on my target market for the Lunology app. Then I have to finish all the Lunology text. Then I have to refine the design and user interface.  Then I have the animation frustration.

3) I am going to decorate the envelopes of six new leads for Nicolas' gigs. Three have been completed.

I think I need to take my apple to the doctor before my protection plan is up.

Did I mention that I have to find a place to live and move?

fourth house crumbling

According to my marketing class this past Wednesday, we should be blogging every day. If not every day, why bother. I have a tendency to write too much, wait too long, then become inconsistent. So really, I am going to keep it short tonight.

I have been looking for an apartment since April. That's nothing in New York minutes, but it seems like a long time, especially when you consider that every day my kids are breathing death (we all are, but lead dust is just a bit more toxic, a bit more insidious, a wee bit more unsettling). Today we got kicked off the possibility list of an apt we almost had because I wrote the reason for leaving was due to lead poisoning. It turns out that the owner of the building got sued for the same thing recently and just couldn't think of that happening again. It was a large building two blocks from where I live now, up four flights of stairs. I guess it wasn't the one.

Taking my chances, I looked at another apartment that was in a private house. Four blocks from here. Perfectly nice block (all west indian–my hoe they moved to Brooklyn at the right time). The apartment was downstairs. Someone was supposed to meet me at five. My girls and I got there a few minutes before and waited until seventeen after. I took them around the block. Someone sitting on the porch of a lovely large home, smoking a sick cigarette started hollering and swearing up and down that I looked just like Joyce. She probably had just downed a glass of what I am drinking now (but not such a nice brand) and may have had a few hits of something else. This made me wonder why all these people have been able to do it and I haven't.

That's what frustrates me the most about NY. I mean do these people "deserve" what they have? I don't know. But what I do know is that I don't know how to do it.

We went back to the house and I forgot to mention the first time we went there, someone upstairs poked her head out and shook it no that she was not the owner but whomever it was that was supposed to meet me would be there in a few. Mind you that mysterious show person still wasn't there after our one block tour, so I decided to force the flimsy front door and of course it opened easily. I left the kids on the sidewalk since I decided to run in and out. To no one's surprise, my three year old started bawling, causing the only white couple in a two block radius to stop in concern until they saw me running back down the stairs.

The apt was a hodgepodge of crappy thin grey carpet, hardwood floors, and cheap linoleum squares. In desperate need of one of those home improvement reality show crews, just to get it rented, let alone sold, I now know why the house had a FOR RENT sign in the front window and $1450 monthly fee is usury.

I decided to really check the house out before bailing so I towed the girls up the front steps and my older one was still bawling. Looking at the rooms and kitchen led me to wonder if the seriously overblown price might have something to do with a backyard being part of the package. There was a key in the deadlock on the kitchen door, so what the hell, I turned it and walked down the precariously high steps to the backyard. Of course the Chumpette grabbed hold of a very splintery-looking slab of wood and started stirring it in a tub-looking container full of muddy water. For her, the next logical step would have been to put her hands in the same water and put that same hand in her mouth. All this was going on while I was distracted by the dead cat carcass on the ground right next to my feet. Masses of hair had fallen off the deceased beast and its bleached white bones were there, completely intact. The whole skeleton. Ah what a lovely image. But somehow, someone had a means of buying this house. Someone who seems completely illier illiterate and as completely aware that this place was just not going to cut it.
And some asshole didn't even bother showing up.

Now I said I would make this short, so I wouldn't put off coming back tomorrow. All this is to tell you that I really hate that damned venus (in its fall, very aggressive but bellicose) conjunct sad saturn (gloom and doom, fear) and moon in aries (quarrels and contention all over the place) in my progressed fourth house of foundation, home and family. However, the nice thing about aries is that they keep going (even if its like the tarot's infamous Fool).

Tootles. BTW, just leave me a comment if you read this. Maybe its better if you don't....

bemusement, not amusement

I haven't had the luxury of keeping up with these posts as I am pretty occupied with my intensive ten week course, "taking care of business." Taking this course has proven to me that my business knowledge and skills are remedial at best.

Of course I have been consumed with my current situation with my little one. For legal reasons I cannot recount what we have suffered at this time. I have been aware for several months that I have progressed venus and saturn conjunct in aries in my secondary progressed fourth house.  At the beginning of the year, I saw that there was more junk going on in my homelife to haunt me just enough to keep everything as interesting and stressful as possible (I have to look at my progressed chart again), but I  wondered how it would manifest. I knew it wouldn't be good, though, as Venus and Saturn are in their fall (at their weakest, ugliest, most trapped and debilitated). All that time, I just didn't want anyone to get hurt. Especially not someone who didn't deserve it.

Now I am faced with another set of complex issues that affect my little contraquarian for life. I can only say that I am very grateful to have certain metaphysical knowledge that renders me capable of concentrating my thoughts upon a desired goal and manifesting that thought into physical reality (which I need to turn up volume-wise in the finance department). Having said that, I know just as sure as I am here typing this right now—that any and all of my daughter's setbacks are only temporary and I will work on her and with her to obliterate any limitations that she might face as a result of this process.

When illness strikes, western medicine, like almost all other bastions of our declining civilization, has never been a trusted, favorite source for comfort or advice. I hesitate fully to force my child to get injected with some type of frankenstein concoction that may or may not do what they say it will.

Need time to think with my higher mind.
Need to tap into that vast body of wisdom and power which is so powerful and abundant within myself and the universe...
Need to pass this test with flying colors.