Note to another Goat

Hey Matt,
I was very sincerely touched that you reached out to ask how we are doing a couple of weeks ago. I didn’t respond until now because there’s too much to say and so few words to describe these experiences. I did read your post re: not believing in God anymore. I was brought up Christian but that label did not fit me, so I started practicing Buddhism and that helped me put my world view into a much more manageable perspective. I still don’t like labels but this one is the only one I can think of to describe my relationship to that-which-is-universal. You see, we as parents, from the Buddhist perspective, have come into this lifetime with a certain karma. Our girls did too. Like yours, my daughter has this “incurable” neurological “disability.” But let me tell you something, I know that my daughter is a million times “smarter” than I. I know that she is my child to teach me how to love unconditionally and to accept her as she is. I may not at all times be able to communicate the way I have learned how to in the world but I do know that my thoughts and non-verbal communications can affect her much more than language ever could. At four years eight months, she still does not speak. That scares the shit out of me, but I know know in my heart of hearts, she will when she is ready. I know she will be all the things in her life that she is supposed to be. I know that she will have a fulfilling, meaningful and happy existence not because God does or doesn’t have anything to do with it but because I am attuning these thought patterns into her subconsciousness every minute I can think about it and she feels this on a fundamental level. Your children do too, and so did you when you were a child and still carry your parents’ thought-vibrations with you as an adult. We all do. These so-called autistic children have gifts that we have not yet been able to recognize and I need you to believe this. I just KNOW it. Not because the religions, or schools or medical tests can prove or disprove this. It just is.
Clearly, I can relate to your pain from first-hand experience. As a child, I suffered a lot and wondered why God allowed it until one day (as a helpless child), I decided to control my fate by willing with my own mind what I wanted to happen (because I knew if I didn’t, someone was planning to kill me and other children, actually). From that moment and many others that followed, I realized that I could use my mind to change the course that I was on (they recognize this as quantum physics now). There’s a lot more to say but I will keep this post “short” this time because I think I made my point.
Our children carry a change in their DNA. We see it as “bad” but it isn’t. I believe every autistic child is super developed in certain areas, light years ahead of us. We, as parents have to will ourselves to find those gifts in them and nurture them, all the while nurturing ourselves. You have running (I run too but not nearly enough), and this is a positive way of dealing with the enormous responsibilities we face but we can do it. Similarly, by telling ourselves we can go farther, faster and longer than our personal best, we need to apply the same with our relationships with our families. No other option here. It’s our karmic duty to them.
Finally, Matt, this is the most important piece of encouragement I can offer: in the book Navigating the Collapse of Time, A Peaceful Path Through the End of Illusions, David Ian Cowan states that the Ho’oponopono Hawaiians sat in a circle whenever a member o the community experienced misfortune (p.145). While silently reflecting over what they may have done to contribute to this individual’s misfortune, they asked for her forgiveness and one by one, until everyone had left the circle, the person in the middle became healed. You are, like myself, a Capricorn and by nature have tendencies toward rigidity which cause problems like rheumatism in our knees (while running actually eventually strengthens them, if done correctly and consistently which has not been the recent case for me so of course they hurt this very minute). We have trouble in expressing our emotions, especially love and vulnerability so I found this very helpful. Having to summarize the jist of it, we need to think of our girls in our mind’s eye and repeat this: “i love you”, “I am sorry,” “please forgive me” and “thank you.” A certain Dr. Len did this when he worked with inmates of a criminal insane asylum. As he focused his thoughts (by saying the four phrases above) on each inmate, one at a time, they began getting well and eventually the ward shut down as they were all released. The power of YOUR mind is just as amazing! If there is a God, it gave you which you can do all by yourself!! damnit (interjection added for ironic emphasis).
These beautiful children will certain respond to us on a fundamental level if we direct our thoughts in this way.
That is all for tonight and I hope you don’t mind if I cut and paste this to my blog and that I am too tired to proofread! Thank you!